consideration

I don't know.. I have a friend who used to go to counselling and she didn't even seem depressed at all.. and I'm not depressed but I want to shake this feeling that I have where I feel like no one cares about what I have to say. I feel like if I were to talk about myself people would slate me for being an attetion-seeker or full of myself or something. I find it hard to keep up a conversation with most people because I don't want people to then go off and talk to other people about how egotistic I am and how I'm always talking about myself.

In tutor time I sit with two girls and three boys and I mentioned my friends Mitchell and Kirsty (who are now in a relationship awww) and how, at the moment, I'm more inclined to hang around with Ben's friends like George and Jordan and Otis than I am with them.. I'm not particularly sure why but I'm sure it'll pass because Mitchell and Kirsty are the bestest friends I could ever have and I love em and stuffs.. anyway! One of the boys on our pod made a comment about me not being to talk about anyone else's relationship besides my own.. and in a nasty way, as if I can't ever talk about other people in a positive way or even at all. I mean, maybe it was just me or something. Maybe I just read too much into it with my female mind and somehow found an insult out of an observation. But I think it was uncalled for: I talk about other people in a positive way all the time! I give out compliments like it's nobody's business and not because I'm fishing for compliments but because I genuinely think so. This guy does have a tendency to put everyone around him down to make himself look better.. but.. I dunno.

Anyway the main point of mentioning counselling was because I find myself often looking at the other girls in the class I'm in and how much prettier they are than me and why anyone would ever want to be with me.. see, already I feel like I'm only whining for attention, URGH. You get my point though. It's a self conscience issue that every girl has, of course.. but I can't stop thinking it and it really gets me down. Bleh.


On a happier note, today in drama we finished watching the musical RENT which is so AWESOME and it was the stage version and I've only seen the first half of the movie before and it's so GOOD and it's so sad like OMG and yeah. And now our school is putting on the musical FAME which is awesome. Smiley face.