so..

So my life has turned terribly upside down.

Ben and I have split up, and this time I don't think there's any chance of ever being with him again.

He told me I made his life a misery and made it quite clear he didn't want me anymore, and it hurt so much.

But then the next day he told me he would wait for me to arrive into school, and when I told him I had asked Kirsty to wait for me he said 'Well you obviously don't want me there so I won't wait for you.'

How does that even work?


I hate school and I hate everyone there. I'm forcing myself to keep smiling and make it look like I'm okay, but I feel so lonely and I just want someone to be there for me.

Today we had to pick what we're doing for IEC and we both chose to do DofE together a few days ago, but now that circumstances have changed, I thought he was going to change his option. He surprised me today by turning up to the DofE presentation and I had a glimmer of hope that he was trying to apologise for what he'd said and prove that he still needed me. But in the end he changed his option and now I'm doing DofE on my own. Either that or I'll have to pick something else, but I really don't know what else to pick.

I'm stuck for options and I'm on my own. I don't know what to do with myself anymore and I just feel like this past year has been a whole lie.

I just want to feel like he needs me. He told me that he still loved me this morning, but he hasn't done anything about it. Instead, he's proved to me that actually he doesn't need me around and that he probably has a much better life sticking with his friends.

So.. yeah. I guess I hate my life right now, but no one else knows it.



I thought I'd found the person I would spend the rest of my life with - we've discussed getting through Uni and coming out the other side and eventually living together and having a lovely life. I guess emptiness is inevitable when you become that attached to someone who isn't as attached to you. He doesn't need me like I do, and he made it pretty clear he wanted me to go away and not come back.

I don't know what to do. I'm stuck and I'm empty and I just want to lay in bed and never get up again.