screw it. absolutely fuck it. fuck fuck fuck fuck it.

im sorry, what is this? a what? just friends. bitter friends. friends who have history. probably not friends at all. what do i mean to you? im not sure anymore. after putting in so much effort, i've just come out of it feeling disappointed. i dont know what to do anymore. it seems everything is on strictly feel-like-it terms and to you im more of a fun way to pass the time than an actual need - than actual love.

i wish i could bring myself to end this before it gets out of hand but the idiot side of me that is willing to go through all this hurt is holding me back. i dont want to be on my own and i most certainly just need a good night's sleep with you by my side to make it all better and i wish i could say 'and you know you need it too' but i'm not sure what you need anymore because you never tell me and it's all just so awkward now that im not sure where i stand and how you see me.

you dont miss me, you dont need me. a lot of the time you would be better off without me. you never want to spend time with me and im scared that you're gonna leave me soon. im scared that you will see how much of a burden this whole situation is and youre just gonna get up and say 'i've have enough' and just leave me. and if there's nothing i'm scared of more it's you leaving me.

i need you and i want you and i love you and it hurts.